I pretty much consider I am a SAHM (stay at home Mum) but I have worked some during the past 10 months... not much, but some. I'd love to be a AAHM - Artist at Home Mum - it's not as if I dont make enough of a mess on my own, without the help of a babe...
I guess if the 90s motto for women is that they can "have it all" then the 00s motto is "have it all, and then some"... For me "having it all" includes living a balanced and simple life. For me that includes working and being able to bring in some money for the family. So recently I have been doing this:
And this:
Plus a lot of this:
This work equates minimal hours away from home... maybe six in total, and those six hours Joshua and Mikaela were with Nathan (a very full time, hands on Dad, not one of those "absent Dads")...
Back in the day when I was a single Mum... and Mikaela spent nights at her Dads, one or two a week, asides from the whole lonely aspect, I found being a single parent pretty straight forward. Only one person to give all your attention to, and because she was not with me for a couple of nights, when she was with me she got ALL my attention. The housework, catching up with girlfriends (and even cultivating a new relationship) could all be done when Mikaela was at her Dad's. As pointed out to me by one of the other school Mum's, I was lucky?!...
As she explained to me, she thought I was lucky because her kids had a Dad who worked shift and rarely spent very much time with his children at all. Their parents were together, happily married... yet my daughter who got her Dad's full and undivided attention EVERY Sunday (all day and night) & Monday night... spent more time with her Dad than my friends kids did with theirs.
That made me appreciate that even tho I was lonely... and even though I felt guilty that I was not able to provide my daughter with a "family unit"... she was in fact receiving the very best of both worlds and her life, our life was as it was. Pure & Simple. It also showed me that there is always an up-side and down-side to every situation. Usually you can not think of the other side, unless you are there, or have been there... or a friend lets you know their story. You may think you know, maybe you have an empathetic heart... but you can never really know.
Last week on ABC radio there were Defence wifes talking about absent fathers, about the difficulties in having to live without their husbands, their childrens fathers for months at a time. About how the most difficult part is not the lead up, or the actual absence... but the return. The impact it had on the children was total chaos for months, and even permanent. I really feel for those families...
Another example that hit my heart stings was when Nath came home one lunch and said "I've inspired one of my clients"... "oh yes, how?" was my reply. His client had seen photos of our newborn Joshua in his office, naturally they got chatting about their babies. His client's babe was a few months old also. On the next visit his client told Nath how he used to work 3+ hours from home (in Sydney) and since their last meeting and hearing that Nath goes home and spends so much time with Joshua, he had moved closer to home and now only works half an hour away. Nath's client was able to spend a lot more time watchin his baby grow. That made me teary...
Also making me teary is that one of my dearest friends, Vanessa is moving up north. Not for another year... but her hubs and daughter will be up there soon and she will be here alone (well not alone, but without them) and working. It is tough, but necessary. I guess that is how life is at times... especially with big things like a total sea change and lifestyle change they are embarking.
At times I find my "juggling act" quite hard to manage, I am a full time wife and mother. Part time artist, photographer and technical writer. I have no 'free nights'. We have no family here to help us. It's just us. Yet I have a very hands on husband, his firm is 5 minutes from home and he joins us for lunch most days. He is rarely home later than 6, but usually 530.
Nathan also appreciates that I require some "me" time too... that my art and my scrapping... and any other ventures that come my way, are important to me. Keep me balanced and sane, for the most part - TIC. I am lucky he is so supportive and such a great husband and father. It is one of the main things that attracted us to each other, our strong commitment and determination as to the kind of life we want to live together, as a family.
I read something recently:
I don't want an easier life, I just want to do it better...
In fact I want to live the best possible life, and I appreciate that is different for everyone, and the individual at different stages of our lives.
For me it is about being grateful and counting my blessings. Daily, at least once. I do. I think I have pretty much always been that way, even as a single parent.
Go check out this wonderful post from another SAHM - or is she a WAHM, I think the later :)
For musak I am loving this and this. Second one is for you NV! Also for Mikaela's, kinda our theme song... the poor child, I have sung her my tone deaf version many a time over the past 7 years.
Love and Peace out...
Bxo
